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SERMONS

Constance and Her Companions: The Martyrs of Memphis
September 9, 2001

By John Sewell

The last Sunday I preached at the Chapel of the Cross I had a fascinating experience. I was very very depressed and it was not an easy day. After the 7:30 service I was in my office and heard a commotion in the down by the coke machine so I went to investigate and there just as big as you please was an enormous black turkey buzzard perched on the wall of the garden. I had never seen one around before. He hung around all morning. Its presence was a moment of synchronicity for me. Synchronicity is what Carl Jung called a "meaningful coincidence", *when your inner world and the outer world intersect in a meaningful way. That morning I felt like parts of me were dying and what shows up but a bird that only eats dead things. It really was funny. It also became a metaphor for me of my journey through depression and beyond.

Here we are again. Over five months have passed. I'm different and so are you. I'm not depressed today, thank God. I've learned that I can't know whether or not I will be again but I have better tools to deal with it if it comes. After I came home from the hospital, and let me stop here and thank all of you for your letters and cards. Your love and concern was a bright spot in a very very dark time. After I came home I went to California to the Eselan Institute for ten days for three workshops. The first was entitled Synchronicity and life destiny. Dr. Dave Richio said that there are five universal truths that we need to know and embrace as true if we are to live healthy and productive lives.

1. THINGS CHANGE AND END. I've changed in the past months and so have each of you. We have added new chapters to our stories. The community has changed. Thousands of new house sites have been announced within a couple of miles of this place. The old vistas will change. We have no choice about that but we do have a choice as to how we respond. God is sending lots of new people who will be looking for a community of faith. And we will be ready for them.

Things end. Harry Strauss and Betty Sue Campbell are no longer with us. It grieved my soul not to be here when they died. Other things have changed the big tree is gone from the garden. Construction has been completed in the parish house. Things change and end.

2. LIFE IS NOT FAIR - At first I felt trapped in the Menninger Clinic. I though that it wasn't fair that I was going through this depression. My Psychiatrist was helpful when she pointed out that I could not avoid my depression I had to go through it and that it would feel like dying. It did. But I emerged on the other side. All of us know that life is not fair. It irritates the stuffing out us but remains true nonetheless.

3. THINGS DO NOT GO ACCORDING TO PLAN. It is always necessary to plan but things will not work out that way. Sometimes they work out better sometimes not but rarely according to plan. We know from the past decade that things often do not turn out the way we thought they would. The question is what do we do then? We plan and then we change our plans to meet new circumstances.

4. PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU BUT ALSO LET YOU DOWN. We all let each other down. If I have let you down or offended you in the past almost twelve years then I apologize. I'm sorry. But I can also say that I love you.

5. GROWTH COMES THROUGH SUFFERING. It was humiliating not to be allowed fingernail clippers at Menninger or to have to sign out if you walked from one building to another, or to have someone checking to see where you were every hour. I was afraid that I would never improve but I did. Many of you already knew what I'm learning namely that growth comes through suffering.

Today we celebrate the feast day of Constance and her companions the martyrs of Memphis. During the yellow fever epidemic of 1878, Constance, the other Episcopal sisters and priests remained in the stricken Tennessee city nursing the sick and burying the dead. One of the priests Charles Carroll Parsons is an ancestor of members of this parish. One by one they too sickened and died, laying down their lives in the service of others.

In the Gospel for today we hear Jesus speak of grain falling into the earth and dying. In each grain is the potential of an entire wheat plant producing a multitude of wheat grains. Our Lord uses this to describe what happens in resurrection, first his own and then in potential for all humanity.

We do not die just once, you know, death comes to us many many times before the hour of our personal demise. Every time we bump up against things changing and ending. Whenever we realize yet again that life is not fair. When our plans go awry, when people let us down and when we suffer we encounter the death that Jesus speaks of when he says, "Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." We get lots of practice laying down our lives IF we will embrace the truth of our Lord's words.

That sounds like bad news doesn't it. The good news is that if we embrace our many little deaths a different, new kind of life, sprouts in us. It is a kind of life based not on our merit or achievement. It 's a kind of life that is free of the competition that so rules our ordinary existence. It is a life of grace --- where the energy for our being begins at the end of our striving. Our Lord promised us that if we believe in him he will not let us go. Neither the circumstances of life or even our death can alter that. That is our hope. I'm glad to be home. I'm excited about the new adventures ahead of us. We are in this together let us press on knowing that we are only called to be faithful. The rest is up to God.

John Sewell
The Chapel of the Cross
Madison, Mississippi